There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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