Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
