TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
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