I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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