she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Randomize
