My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
