It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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