oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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