I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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