I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
