I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
