I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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