how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
