she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
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Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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