I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Randomize
