so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
