pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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