I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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