What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
