Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
