Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
