News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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