when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
