After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
