just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I yelled at your uterus for you.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
