i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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