Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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