K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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