Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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