We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
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