Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
