I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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