I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
