There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
