she was so not down for the gang bang
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
