Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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