Don't make out with my wife yet
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
