when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
