Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
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