i permit you to call me
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
