Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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