Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
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