i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
