How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
