But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
