haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
