Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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