why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
