If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
