Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
