the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
