is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
