She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
