my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
