sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
