Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
