I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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