You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
