If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
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